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Healthy Bran Muffins

A couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in excellent health, largely due to the wife's insistence on regularly eating healthy bran muffins.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when St. Peter said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your new home now."

The old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"Why nothing," St. Peter replied, "This is your reward in Heaven."

The old man looked out the window and right there was a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

"What are the green fees?" grumbled the old man.

"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free, every day."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, and free-flowing beverages.

"Don't even ask," said St. Peter to the man. "This is Heaven, and it's all free for you to enjoy."

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?," he asked.

"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"

Retired Old Folks

The old man then glared at his wife and said, "You and your f**king healthy bran muffins. We could've been here 10 years ago!"