At The Pearly Gates
A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter is reading through the Big Book to see if the fellow's name is in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow and says, "I'm sorry, but I don't see your name written in the Book."
"How current is your copy?" the man asks. "I get a download every 15 minutes," St. Peter replies, "Why do you ask?"
"Well, it wasn't until my death was imminent, that I cried out to God, so my name probably hasn't arrived to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that," says St. Peter, "while we're waiting for an update, can you tell me about a really good deed that you did in your life?"
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Well there was this one time when I was driving down the road, and I saw a gang harassing this poor young girl. I slowed down and sure enough, there were about 20 of 'em torturing this poor woman.
Infuriated, I got out of my car and grabbed a tyre iron out of the trunk, and walked up to the leader of the gang. He was a huge 6 foot guy, with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the gang leader, they formed a circle around me and told me to get lost or I'd be next.
"So I ripped the leader's chain out of his face and smashed him over the head with the tyre iron. Then I turned round and yelled to the rest of the gang, "Leave this poor girl alone! Go home before I really teach you a lesson in PAIN!"
St. Peter, duly impressed said "Wow! and when did this all happen?"
"About 3 minutes ago," replied the man.