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A Self Made Man
Doug Smith (a Scouser) is on his deathbed, and knows the end is near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him.
So, he says to them:-
"Bernie, I want you to take the Woolton houses."
"Sybil, you take the apartments over in Liverpool City Centre."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices near the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take over all the residential buildings on the banks of the Mersey."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says:-
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property."
Sarah replies, "Property? ... The arsehole had a f**king paper round!"